Anonymous, software developer, (England)

'I feel my family will be disappointed, somewhat embarrassed and also scared that the world will treat me unfairly if I'm Muslim.' Photograph: Felicity McCabe for the Guardian
I was the talk of the student Islamic society when I became a Muslim: happy-go-lucky, trendy, outspoken me. After meeting Muslims at university, I'd become intrigued. I started studying Islam and taking heed of the Qur'an's teachings. Two years later, at 23, I took my shahadah (Islamic profession of faith).

The fact that my family were Sikhs intrigued many Muslims. I was handed many sisters' phone numbers and people wanted to meet me. Then it all went quiet: the sisters were too busy. It hurt; I was alone.

I am single, 26, and live at home with my family who are non-practising Punjabi Sikhs. My family and Sikh friends have yet to learn of my conversion, but I am not hiding my copies of the Qur'an. I want my family to see that I'm studying Islam with a fine-tooth comb, so they'll know I've made a well-informed decision; Islam has given me a sense of independence and serenity, I've become more accepting of what life throws at me and less competitive. But I feel they will be disappointed, somewhat embarrassed and also scared that the world will treat me unfairly if I'm Muslim.

Becoming a Muslim is not easy: people say hurtful things about your faith, and it's a struggle to fit in with pious-looking sisters who wear traditional Arabic dress. It's also hard to kiss goodbye to nights out in bars with friends. I loved to party; I still do. I take pride in my appearance: I wear makeup, dresses and heels. Initially, I went in all guns blazing and covered every inch of my body. I used to go to work in the hijab and remove it as I drove back into my home city. It was as if I was leading a double life and that became tiresome and stressful, so I stopped.

I would like to marry sooner rather than later, but how will I ever find a suitable husband? Most Muslims find mingling with women haram [forbidden by Islamic law]. Because I am not fully out in the open, Muslim men won't know I exist.

• This article was edited on 14 October 2013. Since the interviews, Kristiane Backer's personal circumstances have changed, and the piece has been changed to reflect this. Also, an additional, anonymous interviewee has been added at the end.